Disconnect...

Lately I'm becoming more and more aware of the disconnect between the way things are and the way I want and need them to be.

I want to be this on fire for God Christian showing Christ's love literally with every breath and word. I am failing miserably to do that and even struggling to spend time in prayer. Struggling with myself as we search for a church to know exactly what I believe, and to know that the kind of church I'm comfortable in may not be the kind of church i should be in. And, honestly, just struggling to understand why I believe what I believe.

I want to eat sustainably and responsibly but there is a struggle with actually cooking that way and affording to cook that way and spending my time that way. I know this will come with time especially once we're all moved out to the farm and raising almost all our meat, fruit, vegetables, and grains, but it very frustrating to want one thing in my head and another in my mouth. I'm not gonna lie, I could eat a whole box of hostess cupcakes if I had to :)

I want my house to be clean or at least moderately straight most of the time. I am not talking immaculate, I would just like to not have to freak out if company is on the way in 20 minutes. Housekeeping is a struggle for me and always has been. Growing up I always said I would have a maid. Ha!

I want to be a normal weight and I'm not. I want to eat healthier and exercise more (it wouldn't take much to be more!) in order to lose some of the 4 babies in 4 1/4 years weight I have put on. I think I am actually joining a (very cheap) gym tonight. I'll let you know how that goes.

As disconnected as I am feeling right now, it is a very happy time in our family right now. Nathan and I are getting along famously and the kids are growing and amazing. I guess this is the way it is in this life, ever striving...

Happy Belated Birthday, Isaiah!

Isaiah turned 5 on the 17th! I can't believe my baby is a big kid now! We took him bowling with all his cousins yesterday and had a really great time. It was the lowest stress party we've ever hosted because we didn't cook, clean, or stress in any way. :) Happy birthday my sweet boy!

Sick Day

5 vomits (from 2 kids)
2 loads of laundry
1 shower
1 trip to the store
2 diaper changes
3 popsicles (liquid breakfasts)
3 real breakfasts (as real as cereal can be. Kashi honey sunshine anyone?!)
2 nursings
15 trips up the stairs (approx.)
And it's only 9:30 in the morning.

Welcome to my world on a sick day.

5 Dozen Eggs

There is freedom in having 5 dozen pastured eggs in the fridge. Eggs will be enjoyed thoroughly for the next 2 weeks.

On the crafting front, I am big into crocheting this week and have kind of abandoned the sewing machine. I will return to it before Christmas, but it is so easy to take crochet wherever I go. Not so much with sewing. I found a great little crochet flower tutorial in video form and I learned how to crochet a flower in 2 viewings. Now I am addicted to making all different colors and sizes of flowers. Anyone know how to crochet any other cute shapes?

In baby news, Chloe is rolling over and laughing a lot now. She is starting to actually play with toys and she loves laughing at her brothers and sister. She is still the most satisfied baby ever and still sleeps a lot. She startles easily, and is utterly beautiful. Toby is saying a whole slew of new phrases. I was a little concerned about his lack of verbalization, but now he has a new phrase every day, usually directed at his siblings. I believe I heard him say, "Hey! Get offa me!" yesterday. He is starting to show us his defiant side, but overall is a sweet, funny kid who loves and responds to music in a way that my older two didn't at this age. He sings (in his own language) and dances any time there are tunes on. It's so funny to see how each kid is different. Toby has been called "bruiser" by many and he is so tough! Lydia is so funny and independent. She is the bossy sister who doesn't get her feelings hurt very easily. And she is a princess. She makes up songs all day long. Isaiah is a sensitive ninja, always karate-ing his way through the house and world. He is sweet, kind, and his little mind never stops thinking things through. Yesterday I was trying to get him to move his toys and he told me, "I build things. It's what I do!" like it was his purpose in life to construct his block tower at that exact location. I guess yesterday it was his purpose in life.

Okay, I must get to work! A clean house is the goal today. Must accomplish!